Good day, y'all. I wanted to talk about parenting in today's day and age, because it's more difficult than it was in the recent past.
We all know the quote, "It takes a village to raise a child", or at least most of us do. However, most of us don't have that same village that our parents and grandparents had the luxury of having. In the past, grandparents practically raised the grandchildren. It was typical in families for grandparents to pay for the grandchildren's education, etc. But, we aren't seeing that so much in today's generations.
I grew up being with my grandparents all the time, until we moved 1300 miles away from them. We would go with my Mema every other weekend, almost like a father's visitation. We were with my nana and papa throughout the week. They would drop us off and pick us up from school while my parents worked. My papa was the one who would take me to go buy new pants when I outgrew the ones I had. We would go to Ross almost once a month. Every week, he took us out for ice cream and a toy. The only grandparent we didn't see often was my papa Al, who had schizophrenia and was living in a home. Most of my friends grew up the same way. In fact, when we moved away from my grandparents, my best friends Mimi and Papa "adopted" me. They tell people I'm their adopted granddaughter. They picked us up from school, took us out, and got me presents like I was their grandchild. I still see them as family to this day and love them dearly.
My mom and step dad still live 1300 miles away. We see them roughly 2 times a year. We talk once a week or so and she FaceTimes with my girls probably once every other week. My dad and my new step mom live about 15 miles (about 25 minutes) away from me. So, they're pretty close. Closer than my Mema was to us. But, we see them once or twice a month. Usually it's me just showing up to say hey as I drive by to do something else in the area. We don't talk on the phone or video unless it's an emergency or a quick call about coming over. Mind you, my step mom is only 11 or 12 years older than me. My dad and my step mom both work regular 9-5 jobs, etc. So, they are busy. But regardless, my parents aren't in my children's lives the way my grandparents were in mine.
And in looking at pictures, it seems as though my grandparents weren't in my parents lives as much as their grandparents, and so on. I thought for a while that this was just my family. I even talked to my therapist about it and how much it upset me. Turns out, this is extremely common now. It's not just me. I do have friends that still take their kids to their parents, some even to their grandparents. But, most of us don't. And it's not because of us (millennials and Gen. Z), it's because of our parents (Gen. X or baby boomers). We often hear grandparents now say "I raised my children, I'm not raising my grandchildren, too". I see comments like this everywhere, and I've heard it out loud. Yet, their parents helped raise us, and their grandparents helped raise them. I don't want to say Gen. X and baby boomers are selfish, but I'm not sure what else to say about the situation. They simply aren't helping their children (or the world, *cough cough* global warming) the way their parents and grandparents did.
This makes us have to do parenting alone. Doing such a hard task as parenting and raising a child without a great amount of help, creates massive mental health problems. Suicide, child abuse, spousal abuse, physical health conditions related to sleep deprivation, and postpartum depression or psychosis are becoming more common than in the recent past. This is true for millennials and Gen. Z in general, but it's proven having newborn children correlates with these conditions or worsens them. The average age of suicide has actually lowered. Extremely young children are now committing suicide. Each generation is seeming to get more depressed. There's so many studies trying to conclude what this correlates to, but there's no perfect right answer. Many things are contributing to these life problems overall. But being alone and / or raising children alone, is definitely a big correlation.
What does this mean for our generation? We are struggling. We are depressed. We are angry. We feel alone. This makes parenting so much more difficult, and it's already difficult with help. My degree is in psychology. I was not raised in the best home, but I know others had it worse. I am doing my best to take care of myself by going to therapy, etc. to make sure I can be the best parent to my children. I read parenting books, parenting blogs, and parenting magazines. I google things when I have a question about my parenting or what's going on with my children. I take them to doctors regularly and have them in extra things like occupational therapy, so they can be the healthiest and most successful adults they can be, considering life predicaments. But, I still snap. I still get angry with them when they misbehave. I still yell at them. I still get upset with myself. And my favorite; I hide from them in my closet sometimes. When I have an appointment or I really just need a break, I will go to my closet. My closet is 3 doors deep from my room. It's in my bathroom in my room. So, I close/lock 3 doors.
Sometimes, I don't bathe them daily. Sometimes, I don't brush their hair daily. (Mind you, they have wavy / curly hair) Sometimes, I let them have candy late at night. Sometimes, I take my daughter to school late because I wanted to sleep in more. Sometimes, I cuss. Well, let's be honest, I cuss often. My parents cussed often, too. It can be hard not to cuss on a regular basis when it's just common now. It's everywhere. The point is that I'm an amazing mom, but I still get exhausted and still snap. I do everything I can to put my children in extra programs to help them. I buy them what they want. I cook them what they want (most of the time), but I also yell, snap, and tell them no. Having bad days does not make you a bad parent. And for those of us doing this alone, we are struggling with every inch of our body. Because people before us didn't have to do it alone. But, we are doing the best that we can. We are trying and we are succeeding. We will be raising some strong, independent, successful humans. And hopefully, we help our children and our world more than our parents generation.
P.S. I know not everyone falls into these same stereotypes, but this is an overall generalization.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING PARENT, no matter the struggle.
Here's a picture of my mema with my girls.
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